Everything I Never Knew I Could Ever Have
by HarrySavesMe
Summary: *This story is based off of the plot of the movie Love, Simon more than the book Simon Vs. The Homo Sapiens Agenda. What if Blue never met up with Simon at the Ferris Wheel the way it plays out in the movie? After after high school, can they hold on to each other? To their love? Simon/Bram
1. Chapter 1: Wrong Things

Everything I Never Knew I Could Ever Have

This fanfiction is based on the events of the movie Love, Simon, not the novel it was based on.

Chapter 1- Wrong Things

He knew he had done the wrong thing, and truly hated himself for it. The lights of the Ferris Wheel seemed to blur, and the din of the park faded into smaller white noises. He felt slightly disconnected from his body, his gaze locked on Simon as he stood up, shoulders hunched, and walked away from the Ferris Wheel. His last ride had just concluded. His friends rushed forward and hid him from view. Bram took a step forward still feeling dazed and numb, his gaze zeroing in. A disconnected part of his brain wondered if he was having a panic attack. He saw Abby hug Simon. Simon was standing up straight and Bram could tell that he was composed. But he couldn't see his face. He let go of Abby and shook his head in a weary motion. Leah reached out to him, but he took a step back. Simon made a goodbye gesture and drifted back to the shadow behind the Ferris Wheel, a dark contrast to the festival lights that had just lit him up.

His friends stood still watching him. Then Nick led them away. Simon obviously wanted to be alone. But Bram didn't. He felt more at ease when Simon was in his sight or in the same room and didn't like to be parted from him. The horror that had played out after the online reveal scared him silly, like a brutal slap across the face. But it didn't make him stop loving Simon. Disconnecting the email left him feeling like he had disconnected part of himself. Instantly he felt hollowed out and completely regretted it. Unwillingly, he pictured Simon breaking down after he saw his abandonment, none if his emails going through. And the image hurt him, an aching pain. But fear trumped regret in that moment. Since then he felt grief and pain over what he did to Simon; abandoning him when he needed him most.

These past weeks he suffered silently, internalizing his emotions as he watched Simon get bullied. After the cafeteria scene he fled to the bathroom and threw up. He never felt so sorry in his life. He wasn't protecting the man he loved. Tonight was worse. Because the torment on Simon's face while he sat on the Ferris Wheel was so much deeper than all those moments. Like someone had died. And in a way in Simon's mind, Blue did die tonight along with his hope. Bram felt stricken, watching the scene play out from the crowd. He just couldn't step out there in front of everyone, on display for the world. He just wasn't brave enough. The people who had organized themselves to watch we're starting to disperse. When it was cleared out, Bram quickly made his numb feet follow Simon. He tried to look normal. Keeping the anguish off his face.

There were bleachers behind the Ferris Wheel where people could sit and eat fair food. With a staggering feeling of relief, he found Simon again. He was sitting up in the bleachers in the middle section. Bram didn't know what he was going to do next but moved slowly, like a sleepwalker. He got closer hidden by the shadows. He decided to casually sit and then pretend to notice Simon. But after a moment he stopped as he could hear other sounds, now that he was separated from the fair. He couldn't place it at first, a snuffling. He saw Simon sitting with his head in his hands. He shoulders shook and Bram realized he was crying, openly and relatively hard. He'd never seen another male student cry. None of his crushes or friends. His own eyes teared up as he felt a pain like a serrated knife in his stomach. Simon, Jacques, was weeping. Here at an amusement park where anyone could find him. It broke his heart in a way that hadn't seemed possible before. His own breath hitched as he heard a muffled sob. His mouth was dry, and he had a frog in his throat. All he wanted to do was console him. Feel his warm touch, kiss him, and protect him from this horrible pain; of imagining he lost a loved one.

He almost turned around. He barely held composure. How could he pretend to just be a casual friend if he started crying? But Simon's pain was too much. He could end it. He would.

.


	2. Chapter 2: Sweetheart

Everything I Never Knew I Could Ever Have

This fanfiction is based on the events of the movie Love, Simon, not the novel it was based on.

Chapter 2- Sweetheart

He walked over making a point to sound loud, so Simon could have warning of his approach.

"Hey, Simon?" He said his voice barely shaking, pretending like he was looking for him. Simon gave a start and straightened up. He wiped his swollen eyes with his sleeve. It looked painful. "Oh, sorry I didn't realize," said Bram, clinging to his cool, which was slipping. 

"Hey Bram," he said, voice cracking. "What's up?" Hearing Simon say his name in this moment with such obvious anguish almost derailed him. He pushed on.

"I was walking by and I thought I saw you. I wanted to ask you about tonight," he had no idea how his own face looked. He drifted forward and perched on a bleacher. Simon shrugged.

"I think it's clear," he managed and cleared his throat.

"Yeah, sorry man that sucks," he said sounding fake to his own ears. He cringed mentally. "Do you want to talk?" He offered trying to sound as sincere as he felt. 

"D..don't know if I can," he replied laboriously.

"Well if you want to I'm here. I only know some of it." Or every part of it. There was a long pause.

"I was waiting for Blue", he said in a monotone voice quietly. Bram made a motion like he couldn't hear and then moved up to sit next to him. He left a reasonable space between them and felt a pang when Simon cringed and turned his face away. "You probably know about the emails. We got pretty close these past few weeks. After Blue found out...he ghosted me." And his poor beautiful Simon seemed to choke on the last word and a few suppressed tears leaked from the corners of his eyes. "I'm...sorry I just can't... fuck," he said turning away, his voice low and thick with tears. And suddenly Bram couldn't not touch him. He reached out and placed a trembling hand on his shoulder. Simon froze but didn't pull away. Bram realized he craved the comfort. Both of them. Because being this close to the man he loved, broken down this way, was more than he could bear. He'd do anything to right it. He moved closer than a casual friend should, and Simon was so lost he didn't notice.

"Shhhh," he said so quietly it sounded more like a sigh. "Shhhh...Si," he crooned to him and rubbed his shoulder. And Simon stopped breathing. He turned to look at him, eyes swollen and streaming. They met gazes and Bram suddenly realized his own face was wet. A noise like an animal moan fell out of Simon's mouth as he realized; like wonder and sadness, pain and love.

"Blue?" He whispered. Tears blinded Bram has he reached and pulled Simon into a hug. "Blue?" Simon gasped again.

"Yes, sweetheart," he breathed. "I'm here," he kissed his shoulder and the nape of his neck. "I've got you," he said comfortingly.

"Oh God," Simon moaned, a new ache in his voice; relief. Bram cradled the back of his head and pulled him closer, so he was almost resting in his lap.

"Shh," he crooned again. "I'm so sorry." he choked. He felt Simon hold him tighter.

"I thought you were gone," Simon managed in a thick voice.

"I know. I know. I'm sorry I hurt you. I was a fool. A selfish fool," he said tripping on words. He pulled away and reached up to cradle his face. He used his thumbs to wipe away Simon's tears. Simon's puffy eyes looked into his; sad loving puppy dog eyes. Bram kissed him softly on the lips, tasting his tears. And tangled one of his hands in his hair. Simon's body was so new to him, but he knew his mind, his heart, and his soul. But his body was beautiful. His eyes, hair, the curve of his shoulders. His slender frame. He pressed his forehead to Simon's and closed his eyes. "Can you forgive me?" he asked suddenly terrified.

"Yes," he said, "I already have." Their fingers twined together reaching in the same moment.

"Simon, I love you," he spoke clearly and with conviction. Simon seemed to melt.

"I love you," he moaned, more tears in his voice. The ache of happiness; the surge. The gulf of emotions.

"Easy..." He said gently. "I know your emotional right now, and it's okay. It's okay." Simon took a hitched breath to settle himself. "I just want you to rest for a while," Bram breathed. "You're so.." he didn't know what to say.

"Overwhelmed," he supplied, his nose sounding blocked but his voice steadier.

"Yeah," Bram said. "And it's totally fine Si, really, I'll hold you all night," he pulled back and gently dabbed Simon's face with his own shirt. Bram dug some tissues out of his back pocket and handed them over. Simon gratefully pulled away and blew his nose, lessening the misery by a few degrees. "Let's go to one of our places," Bram said. For a moment, fear flickered in Simon's face, and Bram heard his own comment again. "No, no sweetheart, I don't mean anything like that." He said taking his hand and squeezing it. "I'm not rushing anything, I just want to put you to bed, you poor thing," he said patting his back.

"Thank you...for well... everything," Simon said. "You're everything I never knew I could ever have," he continued, trembling. Bram loved him. He loved his emotions. His vulnerability showed how much he trusted him. He liked being his rock. Taking care of him. He was the man from the emails. Brave, genuine, loyal, trusting, delicate; a delicate treasure to protect.

"I'll give you everything," Bram said and kissed his eyelids and then finally kissed his lips. "Always." 

Later in Simon's room they laid on his down-covered bed. A soft haven that enveloped him in Simon's smell; and he liked it. Light from an open laptop cast a dim light in the room. Bram couldn't sleep. He leaned back on the pillows holding Simon, his arms cradled around him. At first Simon was restless. The raw emotion made him too tired to sleep, which can happen. Bram kept his breathing even, and eventually Simon relaxed.

Bram stroked his hair at an even tempo, "sleep Si," he breathed, and Simon did, slipping out of consciousness. He still carded his fingers through his hair, so soft, so lovely. Bram sighed. He was at total peace. So happy and content; like he was floating. Months of stress fell away. He hugged him tighter and kissed the top of his head. He didn't want to sleep, he wasn't even that tired. Simon looked peaceful as well. Eventually he slipped into a stupor. Awake and out of it, on the edge of sleep. What felt like minutes later Simon moved and roused him. He blinked and felt Simon move again. He caught the sound of a gasp.

"Si" he breathed sitting up more. "Si, what's wrong?" He said feeling him tense up. Simon didn't answer. Bram reached over and stroked his face. He felt tears. "Oh." he said feeling awful. A nightmare. "It's not real," Bram whispered. Simon nodded so weakly. Bram turned him to face him in bed, and he resumed stroking his hair.

"I dreamt you never came and left me" he said, impossible tears slicing down his swollen face.

"It's been a really emotional day for you," Bram said gently. Simon nodded but still looked upset. "Come here," Bram said pulling him so Simon's back was pulled tight against his chest. He wound his arms around him. "I love you, I won't leave you." He whispered into his ear. He kissed his neck and his hair. Eventually Simon's tight shoulders relaxed. Bram breathed in his sweet scent and felt a warmth radiate from him. He hoped Simon knew, the he really could never leave him.

"I love you…Abraham," Simon breathed before slipping back to sleep.


	3. Chapter 3: Touched

Everything I Never Knew I Could Ever Have

This fanfiction is based on the events of the movie Love, Simon, not the novel it was based on.

Chapter 3- Touched

10 Years Later

"My favorite memory from high school is..." I stopped, unable to process coherently. My gaze flicked to the side, instantly finding Bram standing in the crowd, always drawn to him. No matter what. His eyebrows were crinkled in that way they used to when he was concerned. "Uh.." I managed, really feeling the spotlight on me. I felt dizzy by the swell of emotion in me "When I met the love of my life," I said and there was a profound silence after that, and I couldn't look at Bram. I handed the mic off blindly to the next person and turned to leave.

Attending the class reunion was a mistake. Ten years after the life-altering senior year. Five years of college and four years of navigating the real world and failing to achieve anything other than mediocrity. College may have landed me my career, but after two years, my relationship with Bram disintegrated. Distance and stress were relationship killers. We tried to be friends, but even that faded away after I started dating Mike. Mike made me happy and I enjoyed our time together, but unease always lingered in my mind. I just couldn't love him for even a tenth as much as I loved Bram. Bram touched my soul. I tried to write it off to first love fever, but even after I ended it with Mike, I never found anything at all recognizable as a grand love story in the years that followed. I was starting to think that I already had my one chance and I blew it. This past year I focused on my career; single and reconnecting with myself. That's what I told myself.

Leah was worried about me. We were still friends, after all these years later. Nick and Abby were still Facebook friends ...and friends I saw a few times these past 10 years. But I spoke to Leah about once a week. I was her man of honor at her wedding last year. A few weeks ago, she and Paul just started trying. It freaked me out. Here I was, single at 27 and no closer to a family of my own. I walked over to my parents' house after parking on the curb. But I stopped and just stared at it. It was dark, save a light in their bedroom. Nora was in college. I breathed evenly and just felt cold looking at it. I had just replayed my love story with Bram in my mind back at the class reunion. This house was the first place Bram and I ever laid down together. It was the first place I ever sent him a message. It was where our love bloomed. After all these years the house is exactly the same. I thought I was unrecognizably different. But after laying eyes on Bram tonight, I connected with a past self I'd forgotten was still inside me. It felt good, pretending to be young again; even for a moment. I knew in that moment what 17-year-old Simon would do. And so, I turned and climbed back into my car.


	4. Chapter 4: Not Over

Everything I Never Knew I Could Ever Have

This fanfiction is based on the events of the movie Love, Simon, not the novel it was based on.

Chapter 4- Not Over

I drove to the darkened fair grounds. I strolled slowly down the old familiar trails, surprised I remembered exactly where to go. When I reached the Ferris Wheel, I felt something old and faint in me stir and eventually splinter. It hurt being here, remembering how much hope I had then. And now not feeling any. Like I was only moving backwards or maybe just staying still. I closed my eyes and held my breath. Like paying tribute at a memorial or more like a grave. I spoke one word in the darkness, Like a prayer. 

"Blue." Why couldn't we have found a way? To hold on to our future?

"Jacques," someone answered. I jumped out of my skin, wondering if I was actually going mad.

"Oh, sorry" said the low husky voice of Bram as he emerged from the shadows. He didn't walk closer, he seemed to be balancing on the edge of a precipice. Like with any wrong step he could fall over the edge. Me too.

"Oh, it's you," I say, and I'm embarrassed because my voice sounds messed up. I don't know what to say. I can't play it cool when it's so obvious that I'm not. And I can't be honest either, because it's too strong an emotion, which shouldn't exist 10 years later. It would be like admitting madness.

"Umm," said Bram struggling with words also. We both can't seem to look at each other.

"So, what are you doing here?" I say which sounds defensive and cold. A product of my confused sadness. Bram cringes and I feel myself lose some of the coldness. I don't like hurting him, even now.

"Looking for you," he eventually says. 

"Oh," I say because I'm afraid to ask why. Did he get embarrassed from my pronouncement? I study his face finally and realize that he's wearing glasses now and has a beard. And he's still just as beautiful. Maybe more so. I struggle to keep the pain off my face. I don't know myself.

"Did you mean what you said?" Said Bram, moving closer. I force myself to stand still.

"Well, yeah..." I say sounding stupid to my own ears. "But things are moved on now, I don't know why I said it," I mumble. I feel like the most vulnerable I've been in years. Bram just stares at me not speaking and I feel the old electric current between us. Singing out from my heart. Tingling at my fingertips. Finally, Bram drops his gaze.

"Simon..." He says but I find I can't hear what he's going to say.

"Don't worry about it Bram, I'm sorry I said it," I say brusquely, and I actually turn to walk away. But it feels painful to move away from him.

"I'm not," he breathes. I freeze. I blink, wondering if I heard right. I look back and notice Bram's eyes are over bright, and his mouth is twisted in the same way it always did when he was trying to maintain composure. I gulp, suddenly struggling with composure as well. I walk slowly up to him and try to meet his gaze. He meets mine and I feel a swooping sensation I haven't felt in years.

"Bram?" I ask quietly. He reaches up hesitantly and lightly cradles my face. I have no idea what expression is on my face.

"For me, it's not over," he says. I leaned into his touch.

"Me neither," I say. And something in me that was lost, and faint finally clicks into place. I've missed the self I am when we're together. And I've never stopped loving him. And we reach to hug in the same moment. And I can't even. I cannot believe I'm living this moment. I bury my face in his neck and squeeze my eyes shut. If he never wanted to let go, I wouldn't either.


	5. Chapter 5: Forever

Everything I Never Knew I Could Ever Have

This fanfiction is based on the events of the movie Love, Simon, not the novel it was based on.

Chapter 5- Forever

3 years later

"This, you can't be late for," Leah calls to me from behind the door. I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm always late for everything. I'll probably be late for my own death. That isn't like Bram. He's just so put together. Maybe there is something to be said for the Yin-Yang concept, because I bring messy to the table.

"Don't worry," I call even though I don't why I say it. It's the farthest thing from my reality. Maybe because I just picture how sloppy and unkempt I'll look next to him. Looking sublime in a dark gray suit, crisp shoulders, a tapered waist. Sigh. We decided not to get matching suits. It just wouldn't look right. Abby thinks I look better in light gray anyway. She delightedly went with Leah, Nick, and I to look at suits. Together for the first time in ages.

"I'm coming in," she says bossily and doesn't wait for a verbal confirmation. But honestly, I really don't give a shit. I'm struggling into the suit coat and fumbling with the tie. "Gimme," she says taking it away from my hands and re-starting it. I stand still, and I feel my heart pounding, like it's trying to break out of my chest. "And chill by the way, you're too wound up," she adds as she finishes the tie. Thank goodness we decided against bow ties. I had to sell it though, they just look too old.

"I'm trying but…I'm just..." I have no idea where this sentence ends.

"I know. It's a long time coming," she says. She makes a motion for me to lift up my arms, so she can add a cumber bun. For a gay person, I'm pretty useless when it comes to clothes. "You still concerned about vows?" she asked. So, it's questions like these that really help a person wind down. I sigh and shake my head.

"Yeah, I know what to say but I hate how I get." Leah nods wisely, understanding the problem. The problem is I get too worked up. I can't say what I wrote without getting teary. And maybe that's a good thing, but it could also be a pretty embarrassing thing.

"What did you guys decide?" she asks conversationally, as she attaches an elaborate rose boutonniere to my suit coat.

"He's letting me choose," I said and think back to our conversation. Bram didn't mind either way if we kept the ceremony vows-free or with vows. Sometimes that's the problem with Bram. He's so easygoing. He let's me make decisions because he knows I have to care about everything, even things I wish I wouldn't. I wish I really knew how he felt but he never elaborated on the subject. I tried asking Garrett, but that guy's a safe.

"So, which way are you leaning?" she pushes. I suppose pushing is her job as maid of honor.

"I really don't know Leah," I say slightly aggressively because even though her pushing me may be overall helpful, it was making me feel like my head was in a vice this very moment. "I want to ask Bram, but I can't see him." She rolls her eyes and picks up my phone from my messy bed and hands it to me.

"Five minutes then we have to do shoes,'' she said and steps out for a moment. I open a text window to send a message to Bram but notice I have one from him unread. I open it.

 _Cold feet?_ He asks. I smile. There have been many wedding jokes and jibes between us this week. I was concerned that Bram would be worried like me and it would put too much strain on us. It was so far from the truth. Bram was at such an ease with this whole thing it made me look bad for being so worried. I didn't understand it until one night he finally told me that he was just so relieved that it was finally happening that nothing at all could bother him. He worried that we lost our chance when we should have years ago, before going to college. But I had said no then, that I wanted to wait. Even after all this waiting, I was still so keyed up. I wish I could be at ease like him. Four nights ago, I wondered aloud to Bram in our bed why I was this way, why I couldn't be a peace like him. Bram thought it was because I cared so much, I wanted everything to be perfect. That made a certain amount of sense to me. So, when I asked him why he didn't feel the same he laughed a gentle laugh and said, "It already is."

And that was the nature of us. I was the emotional one who made big pronouncements online and waited at the top of amusement park rides for my beloved. I was the one on stage in high school. Now that I was developing sets for professional theatre, I understood that I was always meant to be someone who wore his heart on his sleeve. Maybe I was worried that because everything was already so intense for me, the wedding wouldn't be special for Bram. Just the same old Simon gushing his heart out again. And I wanted to take it to the next level. In a way he could never expect from me. I just didn't know how. I didn't share these thoughts though, and I still hadn't found an answer.

"So what did Bram say?" asked Leah coming back in. _Oh shit._ I quickly started typing my text. _You could say I was walking on coals. What do you think about the vows? Should we do it?_ I hit send then looked expectantly at Leah. She was holding brand new bright red converse for me to wear. It was my idea and Bram really liked it. At least I thought he liked it. It was hard to tell when he liked my idea or just liked me.

As I was pulling them on, feeling a new sense on stage fright pressing on me, my phone dinged. _Ha, me too. I don't know. I could go either way._ I sighed in exasperation but also smiled. Because this was my love in true form. _Babe! Please, this doesn't help me decide._

"I think you're good to go Simon," said Leah and there was something in the set of her mouth that pulled my mind out of my text conversation. I stood and felt a perceptible change in the atmosphere, a heavy moment. I walked up to Leah and put a hand on her shoulder. She seemed to have over bright eyes. I knew she was trying to stop an emotion because she already had mascara on.

"Hey, Leah, it's ok." I said giving her a hug. It didn't work.

"Oh, Simon stop!" she howled pushing away from me, tears quivering in the corners of her eyes.

"A big day I guess. I'm finally grown up." I said, feeling the truth of it sink into my bones. I remembered how worked up I got at Leah's wedding. It was a split of emotions between loving Leah and feeling overwhelmed that she reached this milestone but also an intensely painful ache for Bram that I never mentioned to her at the time. It was during the time apart. Now I guess it was Leah's turn to feel wistful. But at least today belonged to happiness for both of us this time. She had wanted this to work out for a long time. She knew deep down it was the only thing I ever really wanted.

Even when I tried to date other people and we talked about them, I knew she knew. We just never discussed it, because Bram couldn't be mine again then. We seemed to have parted forever. And I realize now that I do want to say things to Bram. Things that may not be written down right now, but I still knew. Because I've carried the words in me since senior year. I had just forgotten them. And this is how it would be better this time. Because I felt calmer now. The calm he felt. Because it was perfect. I hugged Leah again and even though she tried to squirm away she failed quickly.

"I love you, Leah. Forever," I said kissing her head.

"I love you Simon Spier. Now let's go get that man, once and for all," she said standing on tiptoes and kissing my cheek. We walked arm and arm to the door and I felt my phone buzz. _Don't you know Simon? I follow your lead._


	6. Chapter 6: From the Heart

Everything I Never Knew I Could Ever Have

This fanfiction is based on the events of the movie Love, Simon, not the novel it was based on.

Chapter 6- From the Heart

10 Minutes later.

I'm so glad I listened to my mother, because getting married at home was exactly what I wanted after all. At first, I rolled my eyes when she suggested it, but after some work on the lawn, it really did look great. And this is where my love story started. It was where I wanted to give it the ultimate meaning, and then start a new chapter.

I knew I shouldn't look around for Bram, but I did anyway. People were sitting in rows of white chairs. There was a simple but elegant rose and vine covered archway at the end of a simple grass aisle. Bram loved simple. And he was so right again. Our love is what made it beautiful. For a month was discussed the wedding making all the big decisions. Flowers? Red. Type? Obviously, roses. Cake? Oreo crumble, duh. Location? My house. Big or small wedding? Small as possible! But what about who would walk up to who? When that question surfaced Bram sat cradling his wine stem lost in thought. I felt oddly nervous about the question. What did it imply exactly? Was the person who did the walking the "bride?" Did that somehow make one of us more of a man? I just didn't like all the possible meanings it could have. Bram set his glass down.

"I think you." He said simply. I blinked but somehow wasn't surprised because my mind was there too. But I wanted to put it to words. I loved putting _everything_ into words, something I know exhausted Bram from time to time.

"Why?" I said, testing the waters.

"Because…" he said haltingly, something out of character for him. "This is our love story but your victory." He said, then took another sip of wine like that explained everything. I stared, obviously waiting for more. "Well, you pursued me from day one and you made another love pronouncement at the reunion. You always come back for me," he finishes. And for once in a grand while, I don't need to add any words myself. Because he explained it all before my subconscious worked it out for myself. It had nothing to do with bride or groom. It was all about our love story. And so, I nodded and asked the next wedding question.

And so, I was walking up to him today and it felt exactly right for me to. I asked my parents months ago if they would be offended if Leah walked me down the aisle. It just felt right in my heart. Of course not, the assured me. I think they were just so happy I was finally getting married and things were finally working out for me. We ended up choosing a piano song that sounded soft and lovely to play while I walked up to him. Nothing traditional, it just didn't suit us. I felt Leah put her arm though mine and I realized it was happening. I felt like a hot coal was dropped in my throat.

I stopped breathing and she whispered, "It's alright Si." I nodded and smiled, knowing the truth of it. Everyone stirred in their seats as the music floated up from what felt like all around us, Nora did an excellent job with the speakers. Finally, at the end of the aisle I laid my eyes on Bram. He was standing beneath the arch of flowers a light breeze pulling on his hair. Garrett grinned at his side. Bram was so beautiful. It was hard for me to process how much. His suit fit him perfectly. His beard was perfectly shaved the way he knew I loved it. He radiated happiness. He met my awestruck gaze and broke into a heart-stopping dazzling smile.

Leah tugged my arm slightly forward and my feet started moving. The crowds stood as I walked. I could feel so many smiling eyes fixed on me, but I couldn't look away from Bram. And there was something there in his eyes. Something I could feel in mine. A bittersweet ache with the knowledge that this almost never happened. That we finally were where we always wanted to be. His mouth twisted slightly, and I knew it was due to overwhelming emotion. I couldn't tell what expression was on my face. I turned and looked at Leah, because I knew I wanted to remember how she looked forever. She was staring adoringly at me, pink cheeks and curly waves of hair. And the wave of love coming off her was tangible. And I knew that after Bram, I couldn't love anyone more. She nodded slightly, and I knew she was telling me she loved me. I cradled our hands we were clasping together to my chest briefly before looking back to the alter.

Bram looked incredibly wistful as we moved up to where he waited for me. That crazy painful love ache where you can't tell if you're dying or being born again. I think it's a mix of both. When we reach him, I can't believe that I'm really here. I turn to Leah and as the song ends she looks up into my face with watery eyes, kisses my cheek then places my hand into Bram's, his beautiful hand held out to me, like this was a Disney movie, or something about 1000 times more perfect. I stand across from him holding his hand grinning at him as everyone sits down. I look away for one moment to find my mother in the front row clutching my dad and staring at me lovingly. As Leah did for me, I nod to her. _I love you. Thank you._ She smiles a little wider and I know she gets it.

The justice of the peace starts the ceremony and I have to admit, I'm struggling to pay attention to what he says. Staring at Bram all the sounds seem to fade away and I'm floating. And I know he knows this about me. He gazes at me indulgently and squeezes my hand, grounding me again. In what seems like zero time, the justice of the peace pauses where we are supposed to signal to him if we're proceeding with vows. Bram lifts his eyebrows slightly; a question. I smile. _Yes._ His eyes seem to melt, and he nods to the justice of the peace. And I realize I'm up. Leah appears at my side and hands me two things, a ring and a folded piece of paper. And I feel like my body just stops at the sight of them. She knows me too well. "You've got this Si," She breathes, and I feel like my heart has restarted.

I look down at the paper, opening it, but knowing I couldn't focus on any of the words written there. But I start as I realize Leah knows this too. In big red letters across the top she wrote. TELL IT FROM THE HEART. I shut my eyes grinning then put the paper in my pocket. Bram watches with a patiently bemused expression, knowing how emotional I am, and how I can be about lines.

"Abraham," I say and stop to clear my throat. It came out too quiet. He smiles, and I can tell he's telling me that anything I say is what he wants to hear. "I feel like I've been on a road so long, journeying to the most important moment of my life. It started in high school when I learned that you existed and with it came the knowledge that there was a destination waiting for me. I know that as the years have gone by, there were times when it felt like I'd never reach you. But I've always known, that you were the only home I could ever want, and I'd never stop until I reached you. You are my partner in life. Everything about you is beautiful, and I can't believe how lucky I am. I love you.'' And what makes it so good, is the fact that I'm calm, and my eyes are slightly teary, but I'm composed. I'm so confident and sure of myself and of him and of us. And these are the things that tell him that I think anything we do is perfect too. I know he's speechless from his expression. And I can tell the words and delivery have really influenced him, because he never cries, and tears are in his eyes as well. And I feel a pang by how much his reaction moves me.

"Simon," he says, his voice almost under control. "I've never known anyone like you my entire life. I feel like my life hadn't even really started until I fell in love with you. And I knew that you were my only future. The years we were apart, I way empty without you. And it was the happiest day of my life when we reunited…until now,'' he said smiling. There was a good-natured chuckle through the crowd. Bram was so intelligent. Everything he said and did was absolutely perfect. I regretted not showering him with more loving comments during my vows. "Simon, I love you. You're everything I never knew I could ever have." And I feel my throat get hot and my eyes burn slightly because that had been my line to him the first night we ever kissed. "And I'll give you everything," he said, and I mouthed it as well. "Always," he said, and I whispered. Then he grinned at me, his eyes half pained like I was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen. Somehow, I managed to get the ring on his hand even though I was half blinded by tears. He got mine on my hand, his steady hands trembling for once.

We repeat the rest of the vows as the justice of the peace instructs us to and gaze longingly at each other until I hear "you may now kiss each other." And I can hear the ring of sincerity in his voice. And Bram laughs overwhelmed by the emotion and happiness of the moment, tears at the corner of his crow's feet smiling eyes. I shake my head at him slightly grinning, stunned and overwhelmed by the love in my heart. When he reaches up to cradle my face and whisper my name I feel the world stop and spin around this point; the center of the universe. And the kiss isn't desperate or quick, it's a slow sweet burn that builds and radiates out, coals and embers warming my entire self. Cheers erupt around us, but I barely notice. Eventually we part and I lose myself in Bram's…my husband's… eyes. We both know the only way for us is each other. We don't need to worry, we have everything we could ever want or need. We'll never part again. We're coming home to each other. And together we will be, always


End file.
